# Dating When You’re Married to Your Job: A Pleasant Surprise
I used to think my career was the third wheel in every relationship I had. Actually, no—it was usually the *main* character, and my partners were the ones feeling like third wheels. I’m a structural engineer, which sounds boring until you realize it means 60-hour weeks, sudden site visits, and staring at blueprints while my dinner gets cold. Most people I dated tried to be understanding at first, but eventually, the “You work too much” comments would start. And honestly? They were right. But I love what I do.
I wasn't really looking for anything serious when I signed up for https://myspecialdates.com/ . I was actually sitting in a hotel room in Detroit on a business trip, bored out of my mind. I’d heard mixed things about online dating—mostly that it’s full of bots or people looking for Instagram followers—so my expectations were basically at zero. I uploaded a couple of average photos, wrote a bio that was probably too honest about my work schedule, and waited for the crickets.
But the crickets didn’t come. I started chatting with a few people, and the vibe was surprisingly normal. No one asked me for money, and the conversations felt... human. That’s when I matched with Elena.
Our first few messages were standard. She asked about my job, and I gave my usual rehearsed apology: “Yeah, it’s intense, I travel a lot, sorry in advance.” I waited for the red flag or the ghosting. Instead, she asked, “That sounds complex. Do you enjoy the problem-solving part of it?”
I paused. That was a new question. We kept talking. We moved from the site to video calls. I liked her. She was calm, she had her own busy life as a graphic designer, and she didn't seem to need constant text validation.
The real test came two months later. We had been planning a weekend getaway—our first real trip together. Two days before we were supposed to leave, my firm landed a massive contract for a bridge renovation. It was the kind of project I’d been chasing for five years. But it meant I had to stay in the city that weekend for emergency planning meetings.
I remember holding my phone, dreading the call. I was sweating. In my head, I played out the script from my last relationship: the guilt trip, the silent treatment, the “you care more about concrete than me” speech.
I called her. “Elena, I am so sorry. I can’t go. We got the bridge contract.”
There was a silence on the other end. I braced myself.
Then she practically shouted, “You got the bridge?! The one you were stressing about last week? That is amazing!”
I blinked at the wall. “You… you aren’t mad?”
“I’m disappointed we aren’t going to the lake, obviously,” she said, her voice steady and warm. “But I know how hard you worked for this. We can go to the lake next month. Go celebrate with your team. Seriously, I’m proud of you.”
I sat there for a minute after we hung up, just staring at my phone. It wasn’t magic. It wasn’t some cinematic moment with violins. It was just… partnership. It was the realization that I didn't have to apologize for my ambition anymore.
That was six months ago. We still have scheduling conflicts. I still sometimes forget to text back when I’m deep in focus mode, and she calls me out on it—gently. But she sends me articles about architecture she thinks I’d like, and I proofread her design pitches. It’s a rhythm that works.
If you are skeptical about finding someone who actually gets your drive, here is what I learned:
* **Be brutal in your bio* Don't hide your ambition. If you work 60 hours, say it. You want to filter out the people who need a 9-to-5 partner immediately.
* **Look for resonance, not fireworks* The “sparks” usually fade. Look for the person who asks *why* you do what you do, not just *what* you do.
* **Check the platform vibe* I got lucky with the crowd on the site I used. If an app feels like a game, the people there are probably playing games. If it feels like a community, you might find a teammate.
I’m still married to my job, in a way. But now I have someone who doesn’t mind sharing custody.